Random thinking  

So i work out to learn how to be healthy. Every morning mon-fri I wake up at 5 am to do exercise and weekends honestly i do them but not quite as often because i want to play with my kiddos and go here and there. This weeken I didnt do my clean eating i went to the beach and sat down with my baby girl and ate a hole bag of sour cream lays 😱😱😱 then went to a mexican reataurant and ate fajitas 😬 ,sunday it was again another fun filled day smores and home made burgers gallore but the kids had a blast and so did I.  Yesterday Monday was suposed to be a normal monday yet a weird case of vertigo hold me at the couch and bed all day bummer … Today still had vertigo and that is a big no no so exercise was skip , I tried to do in the afternoon but life got in the middle of me and the workout it is 9 pm and im here like omg i will get huge if dont work out!!! I feel fat and horrible yet i dont regret enjoying ny kids I wish there was a way to follow more closely my clean eating and yet be part of my family activities. I fell like an outsider at times because while they all celebrate with an icecream i have a bottle of water and while they eat pizza i eat veggies. Somedays i beg my husband (who needs to loose weight) to join me in this healthy style if eating but he refuses to his words are ” life is to short and im enjoying it” or ” i like my fat i wont stop eating” and dont get me wrong I love him but he is not healthy he just turn 30 not even a month ago and he already has blood pressure issues. I feel so apart from them at times it hurts is like i dont belong and i have already lots of not belonging after all I am a latina on an english speaking country that has been rejected plenty times because i dont belong to this country. Feeling like an outsider in my own family hurt but loving me is more important and i wont stop taking care of me because if dont take care of me nobody will. One day just one day i know God will give me the pleasure of belinging to my fam once again this time all in a healthy life style 🙂