Im that mom 

You know i see other moms so proud and rejoicing all over their kids accomplishments while im here in tears every day why? You may ask well Im that mom the mom of the problem child , the mom that medicate her kid so his teachers can tolerate him , im the mom that never get good news or comments about her kid, im the mom that fights with her kid everyday and he always go to bed mad at me, im the mom that doesnt get to enjoy the normal things a moms enjoy because her child always do something that wont allowed me to enjoy, im the mom that everybody judge bc how me being an educator have a child that dont behave, im that mom that 99 % of my child life is been a punishment, im the mom that sometimes is tired and want to quit being a mom , im the mom that struggle to find a positive thing about her child day , im the mom that pray every night for her son to change , im the mom that awaits for a miracle and know one day maybe her son will understand, im the mom that cry uncontrollably when she realizes that because everyday is a battle her child dont hear lots of praise but instead lots of punishment and reprimand, im the mom that beg for a day of wonderful accomplishments of her son, Im the mom that blames her self for her child conditions, im the mom that try everyday to be that perfect mom I know well im not, im the mom that is tired of discipline and that nOthing ever works, im the mom that secretly wishes for the day one teacher hugs her and say I know how hard you try just know dont judge you, im that mom the tired one , the mom that is a mistake with legs, the one that gets tired and sick but never said anything bc she knows it does not matter the battle still goes on like any other day, im the mom that hates the diagnosis but knows the symptoms and the behaviors are there and at the end of the IM THE MOM THAT LOVES HER CHILD UNCONDITIONALLY AND HURT AT THE FACT HER BABY IS NOT DOING WELL but still lost with no support and holding to the faith that one day I will get to be a normal mom …

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Days of his life

Some days are better than others , some days are a total rollercoaster, and some days are just that a day in his life. My hero has a hit a hard season once again but moms here figthing this battle for both of us . Keep dreaming big buddy you will reach the stars. Is all perfect in ourlittle imperfectly perfect life 😍😘      

Your perfect imperfect world…

My son you are perfect for me. I know mom gets frustrated and at times ask more than you think you can do, yet YOU GOT THIS!!! and I have teach you that theres nothing imposible for you. I wish i could be part of that awesome mind of yours why? Ohh lets start by recognizing the huge intelligence you have, and then your heart lets not forget that amazing skill of making diagnoses look wrong 😉 SEE YOU GOT THIS!!!  In fact i think I should be like you because I get upset and stay upset about weeks yet you can have a huge meltdown but once is done is that done like nothing happen. I love you my son and I know im far from perfect but im trying I am all I ask is for you to be patient with mom she is figuring out  day by day your PERFECT IMPERFECT WORLD 

The worst mom award for me….

Having kids with special needs can be overwhelming and more. I have been feeling horrible lately. Dealing with my internal self accepting that I will never be an honor roll mom or I will never see my children get selected for amazing awards at school. I was always 4.0 gpa at school and not being able to see this in any of my kids is hard. As a teacher is very but very hurtful seeing how brigth and great my 4 yr class is and that my my own children at the age of 9 are not even close to that. I dont know why i feel this way maybe i need more counseling that them. Every time i talk to a friend the first thing they say is some sort of techniques  or advise to handle my ASD son and my I don’t understand anything daughter (yes bc she has no diagnosed yet but don’t understand anything including normal daily routines like going potty) I always listen and try but now I am at the point where I want to scream to everybody DONT YOU THINK I HAVE TRY THAT ALREADY???  I have done all the doctors , the teachers, the psychology has tell me to do even the people I randomly talk too advices I have try. But nothing work NOTHING and I am no longer efficient as a mom I fail and the sad thing is the twins are a reflection of my failure. How can I teach and work with all my students and get the best out of all them yet my own kids I cant. 

Support? Ha thats a joke all I get is judgement from everywhere. Their dad is blah not support at all if it was for him I be in the looney house. That men wont listen to anything and his words are always “THE DOCTORS ARE INVENTING A NAME OR EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING NOWDAYS” basically implying their not specialneeds their   just brats. I feel like im done I pray every night and every night I cry. I need a turn in this whole situation I cant honestly say I am not happy. I look at them everyday and I want to be that mom yet im so fed up and frustrated maybe more like overwhelmed and stress out. Is a feeling of drowning in a deep hole where everyone pass by and see me there and push me more and more to the deep end. I hope my children dont see that and they know I love them because I do with all my heart and I wish i could make their life easier but I can’t unfortunately my genes apparently are defective and well they are paying the price. Is hard to feel this way is hard not to feel like I fail all i can see is that the worst mom award goes to me ….IMG_7217