My worst nightmare

To be successful we all have to fight our battles, I understand that. since very little I knew life was not going to be easy or a fairy tale. Yet I never thought how hard life will be when you are alone with no family in a foreign country. I really regret with all my heart leaving but now I’m here trap. I have been put down like never I have cry the tears of anger and rejection most painful of my life. I am a professional I like to be perfect in all I do but oh yes I am “Latina” therefore, for others I am not capable of making a sentence that requires common sense. when you are a teacher you learn subjects that are repetitive in each class you take. this leads you to write sentences that are for an educator a daily vocabulary and phrase.  I was told today I needed to cited my own sentences or I was doing plagiarism. why ?  yes I’m upset because it wasn’t only one sentence it was basically all my own sentences for example:

Therefore, in order to become a successful educator, they should understand the different learning styles among the classroom and apply them in their lesson planning. This essay will discuss the concept of differentiated instruction”.

apparently,  after reading so many books, have a bachelors degree and work as an educator I am not capable to do this sentence on my own and like this one plenty more throughout my paper like:

“Building lessons and finding the right approach can be a hard task to accomplish when educators cannot think outside the box”

this is something I say on a daily basis because I know this by first hand HELLO me being the hispanic student for many years will love to have some differentiated instruction and on top I have a son that is autistic, and my mom is a especial education teacher.  Therefore I am always talking about thinking outside the box I  meant ALWAYS!!!!!!!  I just don’t get why this person thinks she is better than anybody and that I’m so dumb that I can’t come with this words on my own. because yes I am Latina and yes I am working on studies after bachelors degree but that does not make dumb or less in fact I have so much knowledge when it comes to this subject that parents ask for my advice for their children diagnoses or even what do I think about their children limitations and how can I help.  But it is Friday July 10 2015 at 11:18 pm and I am crying tears of humiliation thanks to a person that is not happy if she is no making others feel like they are worthless. I will take the F in the paper if necessary I won’t  give her the pleasure of rewrite my paper because she thinks I am incapable of talking brilliantly about a subject. But now after a very good year of no insecurities I am back to be shy I really don’t want to talk to nobody I want to go home I don’t want to be a teacher anymore NOT HERE I want to be a teacher  where I be equal. I want to be a teacher where if I make a mistake it won’t be because I’m Latina instead it will be because I am human and I can have mistakes from time to time. I was going to my masters and even thought of a doctors, Now I just want to finish this nightmare and I want to go home. I am trap here and I don’t really want to be here but I am a mother and my baby comes first yet, How I will dare to even speak to people now if I feel as soon as they figure I am Latina they will make their judgements base on stereotypes? my heart is broken my soul shatter and my spirit die ( maybe i should cited that sentence it sounds to good for being mine)  what hurt me the most is not all the pain of the papers or the prejudice , what hurt me more is that I was so furious that I used unappropriated language and I even say ” i don’t care if I go to hell i want her to choke and die” and that make me as horrible as her and the worst part I fail to the only one I know will never stop loving me no matter what; my  GOD.  I am beyond furious and I have no idea what will happen if I will pass the class or I will get and F but I know one thing I came up with those sentences and I spent weeks , days, hours ignoring my children and using the TV as baby sitter to pleased this so call Professor, and now what? I am left empty with a sense of failure and worthless as a mother. I ignore the most precious blessings GOD award me for nothing because at the end Im sure that they won’t care if they eat roman noodles or steak as long as they have mom for them 24/7 what I have learn?   that my kids come first and nothing is more important not even school….