Im that mom 

You know i see other moms so proud and rejoicing all over their kids accomplishments while im here in tears every day why? You may ask well Im that mom the mom of the problem child , the mom that medicate her kid so his teachers can tolerate him , im the mom that never get good news or comments about her kid, im the mom that fights with her kid everyday and he always go to bed mad at me, im the mom that doesnt get to enjoy the normal things a moms enjoy because her child always do something that wont allowed me to enjoy, im the mom that everybody judge bc how me being an educator have a child that dont behave, im that mom that 99 % of my child life is been a punishment, im the mom that sometimes is tired and want to quit being a mom , im the mom that struggle to find a positive thing about her child day , im the mom that pray every night for her son to change , im the mom that awaits for a miracle and know one day maybe her son will understand, im the mom that cry uncontrollably when she realizes that because everyday is a battle her child dont hear lots of praise but instead lots of punishment and reprimand, im the mom that beg for a day of wonderful accomplishments of her son, Im the mom that blames her self for her child conditions, im the mom that try everyday to be that perfect mom I know well im not, im the mom that is tired of discipline and that nOthing ever works, im the mom that secretly wishes for the day one teacher hugs her and say I know how hard you try just know dont judge you, im that mom the tired one , the mom that is a mistake with legs, the one that gets tired and sick but never said anything bc she knows it does not matter the battle still goes on like any other day, im the mom that hates the diagnosis but knows the symptoms and the behaviors are there and at the end of the IM THE MOM THAT LOVES HER CHILD UNCONDITIONALLY AND HURT AT THE FACT HER BABY IS NOT DOING WELL but still lost with no support and holding to the faith that one day I will get to be a normal mom …

Days of his life

Some days are better than others , some days are a total rollercoaster, and some days are just that a day in his life. My hero has a hit a hard season once again but moms here figthing this battle for both of us . Keep dreaming big buddy you will reach the stars. Is all perfect in ourlittle imperfectly perfect life 😍😘      

The etopic ( a poem that fits me well)

THE ETOPICby Meaghan Simpson

 

“Your uterus is empty” they say

as they perform the scan

But it’s my heart that empties

as I hold your father’s hand

 

“We’ll give you an injection

and the ectopic will resolve”

“The ectopic” is what they call you

my baby, who I dearly long to hold

And “resolve” has not the meaning

which it might to you and I

Instead it’s a polite way

to tell me you will die

 

“Not viable” I hear them say

which means that you won’t live

I’ll never get to take you home or share

the love I have to give

 

“They had an ectopic” is the way

what’s happened is described,

which hardly seems to recognize

we had a baby who has died

 

I wish that they would use the words,

the ones that make it real

Then maybe they would understand

the sorrow that I feel

It was picture day

So today it was picture day and the twins where as usual super different when it came to points of view baby girls was exited yet baby boy says he was ugly and hedidn’t  care. Ohhh im not ready for all this they are only 9 how can they know about that already and why is him the insecure one shouldnt that be like a girl thing oh oh i got a thougth one to teach !! 😱😱😱