etopic pregnancy

I only knew of your presence for four short weeks,but the love I felt for you is just so deep;

I wish people could understand how I feel,

so lonely and heartbroken, I just can’t deal;

I try everyday to go on with this life,But it’s just so hard, I keep losing the fight; You were just what I wish for everyday, as I heard friends and family good news of miracles in their lives, but yet you were from me so quickly taken away;Sometimes I wonder why I’m so sad and depressed,and I’m soon reminded that in my heart you left an empty space; they say and say “it just wasn’t mean to be”, But I cant help to think of what a wonderful mommy I’d be;I just want to SCREAM, let the anger out, you see I’m just so torn when I think of how you would have been a blessing But I’ll go on with a smile on my face, whether It’s real or fake,because I can’t change that fact the you from me God had to take;but you will forever be in my mind and heart,but now I just cry and cry as I see my empty arms I never got to see your face Or even give you a name But in my heart, you hold a special place And for that, I would never be the same I’ll never hear you laugh or cry Or hold you in my arms tenderly I’ll never know the color of your eyes ,But I will still love you endlessly

       ~unknown author


Great day at an island!!

So as a mom I apreciated every second out of the house. Today we took the twiners to an island the adventure started by taking a small ferry and then hiking to get the beach. I cant say it was perfect of course kids got tired of walk and then winning as the day went on but over all it was an awesome day and we enjoy it  


Why I teach my daughter she needs to provide for her self…

Often I hear married women saying “he should provide ” or  “i dont need to work he gives me all I want”   And it is a new if not weird concept for me to hear and think that can actually happened. When is just one salary paying bills there is never extra for 3 new pairs of shoes, make up, clothes or even just go out for fun. Lets face it if anything the man will try to get away by saying this are wants not needs while his xbox is equipped with the latest games. Im not taking away credit to those who actually find pleasure on giving all to their wives, Im sure there are few. Yet why depend, why wait till next paycheck and see if he has enough?  All my life since im young before even graduate HS I work and provide for my self. We are married yet I pay my bills he pays his the only bill he can say he pay for me is my cellphone.  Because is cheaper as a family plan but if I want I can pay him my part. I love getting my check and say after I pay this I will do this and that without asking or having a minimum guilt feeling. Is my money I sweat therefore I do with it as I want. This year I took summer off I wanted to give my twins quality time and what happens? It bite my @$$.  I been in my house the whole vacation first my own school homework, now I have no money to get them out of the house and well I make sure all my bills were pay untill August that I start work again so theres no savings. Yet I been wanting with passion a pair of sandals and what has my husband say “you don’t need any more sandals “. Ummm see what I mean?  So here I am my kids have nothing interesting to share when school start heck they went to beach more while school was still going than in summer, honestly I think since summer we have not go to beach, all we do is the apartment pool.  If i want to do something i have to plan present the plan and then see if he can cover it COME ON NOW!!!!   If i was working I do the plan and I tell him this is what im doing you want to join ?  You pay what? Bc it aint all my pocket.  I am not a lets do my nails or hair type of girl, i I barely buy bags and if I do it has to have matching wallet and between both it cant be more of 160. I do have a shoe addiction need shoes more shoes and some shoes. I love to have stuff for my camera and I like expensive technology like this year I will buy me a projector for my classroom because I want to and I can. For Christmas I plan to get me a 2,400 lens for me why BECAUSE I CAN is my money as long as my kids have all and bills are pay I do with it what I want. See the difference can you imagine if I say hey babe i need this lens for my camera ohhhhh he will will give me the R YOU ON DRUGS FACE 😂 . I have the worst point of view I know, but dont ask him for stuff like a shirt or nails or what ever it is you want, make you feel like when you had to ask mom and dad? So here is my reasons to teach her to always provide for her self:

1. You dont have to wait when you want somwthing

2. You can always say I got it 

3. Depending who? Lol

4. Pleasure of living fully 

5. You can also helped if he needs to 

6. You can have fun and enjoy go places 

7. In a serious note if he ever leave you then your used to do it so what difference that makes at least in that dept you be alright.

8. Mens hate to have all the bills and on top have to give away their extra for nails, hair, shoes etc

9. Is just the satisfaction of saying i like this shirt im buying without begging or asking nobody.

10. Your kids always are on top of the needs. Imagine that you had to wait till he can provide with new underwear bc bills ohhh nooooo I cant do that. 
See It might sound self center or even like a selfishly way to be but I rather be this way than wait and ask or beg because we all know if we dont buy that shirt or that pair of shoes at that moment when we came back theres not our sizes anymore or they are out of stock. 
Just the world of my crazy head!!!  


Sucks to be an adult

Every year for my birthday I struggle to do what I want. In fact I never doo 😒. Since I got married 10 yrs ago my bday has become instead of a celebration is more a depresing day. Nothing good and exiting happens I do the same I do every day; work, clean, being a mom and wife and to make it worst with the years the people stop congratulating me.  This really upset me because is just a bad day in general I figth with the husband, the kids are wild and cranky in geral pretty bad. CAN A WOMAN GET A GET AWAY !!!! Just once send me away for two days no motherhood or marriage responsibilities , just me my own self taking care of only me and no more ugh one day im just going to pack say im going to store and come back two days after. 

After long months of waiting …

I got married young, really young! And like many other couples got babies fast. That lead us to congrats you are having twins 😮. Since they one the journey has been a rollercoaster, yet I would not change it. If you know what it is being over protective then you know I did not had couple time FOR A WHILE!!! And by that I meant about 5 years. The twins were too sick or weak and well nobody like mom. Then my mind set the guilt trip on me, and start asking what have you done ? Why is he still with you if you dont give him time?  And I start trying to get sitters for the twins. Just like if life was trying to do a little revenge number on me most of the time my son will not behave to anybody and we will always got half dates 😡. Time teach me that our son is special needs and then it hit me he was not being bad he just didnt know better. By this the twins were in first grade and after all bad experiences we only did when we could the parent night out of two hrs st the daycare. The relatioship became all habits and routine. I dont even remember the last sucesful date. Where you know ur kids are ok and u dont have to worry. But last night thanks to awesome friends we were finally able to explore what is the world of fun dating !!!  Like young couples. I was so happy !!! I needed that as well as he did. I could go get the kids after all finish but hubs wanted more yes he wanted to be able to …. Without the worry of a child catching us 😂 morelikely with a normal wife not a paranoic one. What i though it was missing in my marriage I found out it was not actually missing is there but life inside parenthood can blind us at times. I love my husband dearly and im sorry I cant be a better wife for him! Baby after so long of waiting we did it we got a date 🙂 and now lets pray for many more 😍 I LOVE YOU honey