Between me & my self

Have you ever find hard to explain some feelings? Why? 

In my case plenty times I have. Why? Well to start most people will play the my horse is bigger than yours and will just turn it all about them. Others will simply be cold and try to make you feel bad for feeling that way, and then theres that group the ones that you love but that wont understand NEVER!!!!

I been strugling for months whith deep feelings of lost in my heart, yet I cant explain it to many. Only two persons know and I even try to mention it a lot about it to them. I just need to let it out, scream, cry, shout, just like a two yr old. But to who? It cant be anybody that cares for me because then the advice will be bias. It cant be a therapist because I cant afford it. I pray oh yes I pray and most times Im ok until… Is there I cant hide it comes back to haunt me. 

Im scared. Lately I been way to angry, way to aggressive, way to unhappy. I know is all this feelings I keep to my self to avoid judgments, pitty or even offend people. But how to fix this? I make clear who I am , my likes and dislikes, yet people keep making fun of me for my believes, or worst they think im dumb or too weak. Is sad that I cant shared my feelings because I will be in more pain if I do so. I wish one day somebody just listen and instead of using that against me this person will just comprehend. 

Im about to explode. I wonder how bad that will be. When I cant hold this anymore. How much more I will loose or not loose. Will they realize how much they hurt me? Maybe not. Pretty sure they will say omg your so dramatic.

My savior. God has my hand and he held me each time I am about to fall in the deep hole ofdepression. I have to be thankful to him because he never ever leave me. Without him I be lost but with him I know im not alone and my battle will end soon. 

Final thought :  THANK YOU JESUS!!  




HomesickTears fill my eyes

images flying through my head

my childhood memories of places

I’m not home.
No one understands

I don’t belong here

I don’t want to be here

but I don’t have a choise



Being a female 😒

Some days my female self esteem acts against me. Today is one of those days where nothing fits right, hair wont be cooperative and I FEEL FAT!  I know compared to many I am not fat, yet after a C-section and my belly destroyed by stretch marks is hard to feel sexy. I’m not a fan of my body and today it seems no matter how I try to hide the imperfections I still see them. Oh lets mention I dont like make up, only use it if is necesary. Silly I know but what can I do I am a female it happens probably the cicle is about to hit and i just being that a bag of hormones that dont get along 😜.  At the end I think that after having twins, my body went from 228 lbs to 140 lbs , I be 31 in couple of weeks and even when I feel this ugly today I can say IM HOT !! And plenty teens will love to look like me. 

some days