The etopic ( a poem that fits me well)

THE ETOPICby Meaghan Simpson

 

“Your uterus is empty” they say

as they perform the scan

But it’s my heart that empties

as I hold your father’s hand

 

“We’ll give you an injection

and the ectopic will resolve”

“The ectopic” is what they call you

my baby, who I dearly long to hold

And “resolve” has not the meaning

which it might to you and I

Instead it’s a polite way

to tell me you will die

 

“Not viable” I hear them say

which means that you won’t live

I’ll never get to take you home or share

the love I have to give

 

“They had an ectopic” is the way

what’s happened is described,

which hardly seems to recognize

we had a baby who has died

 

I wish that they would use the words,

the ones that make it real

Then maybe they would understand

the sorrow that I feel

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This is how I feel today

I only knew of your presence for four short weeks,
but the love I felt for you is just so deep;
I wish people could understand how I feel,
so lonely and heartbroken, I just can’t deal;
I try everyday to go on with this life,But it’s just so hard, I keep losing the fight; You were just what I wish for everyday, as I heard friends and family good news of miracles in their lives, but yet you were from me so quickly taken away;Sometimes I wonder why I’m so sad and depressed,and I’m soon reminded that in my heart you left an empty space; they say and say “it just wasn’t mean to be”, But I cant help to think of what a wonderful mommy I’d be;I just want to SCREAM, let the anger out, you see I’m just so torn when I think of how you would have been a blessing But I’ll go on with a smile on my face, whether It’s real or fake,because I can’t change that fact the you from me God had to take;but you will forever be in my mind and heart,but now I just cry and cry as I see my empty arms I never got to see your face Or even give you a name But in my heart, you hold a special place And for that, I would never be the same I’ll never hear you laugh or cry Or hold you in my arms tenderly I’ll never know the color of your eyes ,But I will still love you endlessly

~anonymous

etopic pregnancy

I only knew of your presence for four short weeks,but the love I felt for you is just so deep;

I wish people could understand how I feel,

so lonely and heartbroken, I just can’t deal;

I try everyday to go on with this life,But it’s just so hard, I keep losing the fight; You were just what I wish for everyday, as I heard friends and family good news of miracles in their lives, but yet you were from me so quickly taken away;Sometimes I wonder why I’m so sad and depressed,and I’m soon reminded that in my heart you left an empty space; they say and say “it just wasn’t mean to be”, But I cant help to think of what a wonderful mommy I’d be;I just want to SCREAM, let the anger out, you see I’m just so torn when I think of how you would have been a blessing But I’ll go on with a smile on my face, whether It’s real or fake,because I can’t change that fact the you from me God had to take;but you will forever be in my mind and heart,but now I just cry and cry as I see my empty arms I never got to see your face Or even give you a name But in my heart, you hold a special place And for that, I would never be the same I’ll never hear you laugh or cry Or hold you in my arms tenderly I’ll never know the color of your eyes ,But I will still love you endlessly

       ~unknown author

The Ectopic 

Tomorrow made 7 months of my lost and even when I pretend like I dont remember and that is all good is not I wish one day I can talk to somebody how i trully feel and how much this hurt I feel so sad inside me first the twins were premmie cause of my body not being able to hold and then my baby was place in the wrong part. Sometimes I feel like im the worst mother because I can make it normal tye question here is why nobody ever want to let me talk about it I feel like they dont care do they dont know that tjis is eating me alive? Killing me inside im numb to emotions now because all this inside I cant feel pitty in fact I just adopted that same statement just see the possitive in all this  and I completely ignore them just like I been ignore. Im so done of feeling left alone with my feelings one day I will scream to yhe world all of it and then watch them call me crazy …