The etopic ( a poem that fits me well)

THE ETOPICby Meaghan Simpson

 

“Your uterus is empty” they say

as they perform the scan

But it’s my heart that empties

as I hold your father’s hand

 

“We’ll give you an injection

and the ectopic will resolve”

“The ectopic” is what they call you

my baby, who I dearly long to hold

And “resolve” has not the meaning

which it might to you and I

Instead it’s a polite way

to tell me you will die

 

“Not viable” I hear them say

which means that you won’t live

I’ll never get to take you home or share

the love I have to give

 

“They had an ectopic” is the way

what’s happened is described,

which hardly seems to recognize

we had a baby who has died

 

I wish that they would use the words,

the ones that make it real

Then maybe they would understand

the sorrow that I feel

It was picture day

So today it was picture day and the twins where as usual super different when it came to points of view baby girls was exited yet baby boy says he was ugly and hedidn’t  care. Ohhh im not ready for all this they are only 9 how can they know about that already and why is him the insecure one shouldnt that be like a girl thing oh oh i got a thougth one to teach !! 😱😱😱 

 

Bad month over all

The strugle of having and ASD child is real somedays are plain simple bad others are so so and then others arent perfect but great for what you go thru on daily basis. My son is having a bad season from bad days at school to today punch a kid at church seems like church online for me. Im so embarased being pull out of the line to pick up you ur kid and in front of everyone being told ur kid punch another one 😒. I am at lost what im doing wrong how can I explain to him he cant do that. And the looks in others like if dont teach him rigth from wrong I DO i really do but he dont get it most judge me bc he is highly functional and they think he is just a brat. Ohhh when but when this mom will experience a hey great job ur children are awesome instead of a ohh ur daugther is an angel but your son dont quite behave. He is my son and I love him with all my heart but sometimes I feel like I fail like is me. Sometimes i think people is rigth is all my fault im not doing something the rigth way. All i want to do is hide go to some sort of island were i can raised him away from society where i wont be judge and he wont be missunderstood.