The worst mom award for me….

Having kids with special needs can be overwhelming and more. I have been feeling horrible lately. Dealing with my internal self accepting that I will never be an honor roll mom or I will never see my children get selected for amazing awards at school. I was always 4.0 gpa at school and not being able to see this in any of my kids is hard. As a teacher is very but very hurtful seeing how brigth and great my 4 yr class is and that my my own children at the age of 9 are not even close to that. I dont know why i feel this way maybe i need more counseling that them. Every time i talk to a friend the first thing they say is some sort of techniques  or advise to handle my ASD son and my I don’t understand anything daughter (yes bc she has no diagnosed yet but don’t understand anything including normal daily routines like going potty) I always listen and try but now I am at the point where I want to scream to everybody DONT YOU THINK I HAVE TRY THAT ALREADY???  I have done all the doctors , the teachers, the psychology has tell me to do even the people I randomly talk too advices I have try. But nothing work NOTHING and I am no longer efficient as a mom I fail and the sad thing is the twins are a reflection of my failure. How can I teach and work with all my students and get the best out of all them yet my own kids I cant. 

Support? Ha thats a joke all I get is judgement from everywhere. Their dad is blah not support at all if it was for him I be in the looney house. That men wont listen to anything and his words are always “THE DOCTORS ARE INVENTING A NAME OR EXCUSE FOR EVERYTHING NOWDAYS” basically implying their not specialneeds their   just brats. I feel like im done I pray every night and every night I cry. I need a turn in this whole situation I cant honestly say I am not happy. I look at them everyday and I want to be that mom yet im so fed up and frustrated maybe more like overwhelmed and stress out. Is a feeling of drowning in a deep hole where everyone pass by and see me there and push me more and more to the deep end. I hope my children dont see that and they know I love them because I do with all my heart and I wish i could make their life easier but I can’t unfortunately my genes apparently are defective and well they are paying the price. Is hard to feel this way is hard not to feel like I fail all i can see is that the worst mom award goes to me ….IMG_7217

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3 thoughts on “The worst mom award for me….

  1. This made me sad because you clearly don’t realise what a wonderful mum you are. They have challenges yes, and you are facing them together… I honestly promise it gets easier I’ve had so many blocks with my brother and I always think to myself that no matter what degrees I have gained in my life they won’t compare to the progress he makes. There is no degree to show for their progress and no awards but each time there is a slight break through that counts for so much more. It’s normal to have days where you feel nothing is moving forward. I also found that acceptance of the situation was what allowed me to love and be happy with the situation. The comparison has to be in their individual journey not other children. You are wonderful 😊😊

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