etopic pregnancy

I only knew of your presence for four short weeks,but the love I felt for you is just so deep;

I wish people could understand how I feel,

so lonely and heartbroken, I just can’t deal;

I try everyday to go on with this life,But it’s just so hard, I keep losing the fight; You were just what I wish for everyday, as I heard friends and family good news of miracles in their lives, but yet you were from me so quickly taken away;Sometimes I wonder why I’m so sad and depressed,and I’m soon reminded that in my heart you left an empty space; they say and say “it just wasn’t mean to be”, But I cant help to think of what a wonderful mommy I’d be;I just want to SCREAM, let the anger out, you see I’m just so torn when I think of how you would have been a blessing But I’ll go on with a smile on my face, whether It’s real or fake,because I can’t change that fact the you from me God had to take;but you will forever be in my mind and heart,but now I just cry and cry as I see my empty arms I never got to see your face Or even give you a name But in my heart, you hold a special place And for that, I would never be the same I’ll never hear you laugh or cry Or hold you in my arms tenderly I’ll never know the color of your eyes ,But I will still love you endlessly

       ~unknown author

Who am I …..

this past few days have been eye opening !!!!!

I  guess that people might not like me since Im different. since the moment I was born but God has talk to me I need to stop being scare of being me ! For years I have hide lots of me bc people tend to judge or just ignore me ,basically used me when they need me and I had become way to pleasant pretending in many areas to be who im not just to fit in well. I decided no more God make me the way I am and by pretending to be another me I’m just saying what he created is not perfect And that is not ok. I will embrace my self the real me wether people like me or reject me after all Im a daughter of God and he loves me and he wants me to love me. so Yes im complicated is part of who I am but hey if there is something God has teach me in the last few months is that he created me perfectly imperfect and I need to love it and embrace it. I am shy yet im not , I adore to sing even when people ears disagree lol, dance is one thing I passion yet I stop doing it 10 yrs ago bc huns dont dance bummer!!!!, i love taking pics and being model for other even when i know im not barbie or Jlo, I hate guns and I think they are the devils creation yet I respect who likes them, I dont know grammar Spanish or English Is just one thing I cant memorized, I’m a clean freak and I dont hide it, I like books that can make me dream, yet i hate to read hahaha , I LOVE SHOES IS AN ADDICTION, I like tattoos but decided for God i wont do anymore and believe me is a struggle bc I really one more yet is the one thing I knew it be hard to do and God will see my commitment to him, I am a adrenaline seeker, rollercoasters, sling shot, zipline, and stuff like that are my idea of fun, I love hikes but im horrified of anything not human so if ever go with me ha prepared for laugh bc i will scream and laugh at my self constantly, im clumsy ohhhhh i am, i am what people call blonde thinking lol sorry Is true, love to laugh , hate lies , and if you promise something please follow true or else ur done and i will not talk to you anymore ;), im never late in fact i like to be in places 15 mins before the time , and waiting for people KILL ME!!! Love company hate being alone, im a feminist by heart and really dislike women who belive they cant live without a men helloooo you push 9 lbs babies out your more that strong. I dont like make up unless is for a special occasion, I am not a stay at home material but i repect who choose too unless they do their huns wrong, i dont agree with easy careers always go to school is hard but is the only way to succeed, i like old school discipline, I have twins and absolutely dislike my hair and doing my daughters hair lol hair is not one of my talents hahahaha , i want to have my own prek to kinder private academy and i have the idea of writing a book yet I hate to write lol, absolutely love food but hate to cook 😉 ohhh i have the anger of three mans and more but i have contained it and who knows me long can witness that, i was hurt by my first love and got that pure love feeling stole away from me, i have trust issues, I do not forgive cheating and think women who do dont value them selves yet have plenty of friends that have done it and I will never judged their forgiveness, oh I hate TV and electronics yet i need to watch my 4 hrs weekly of favorite TV shows, i cry easy, im sick and tired of people seeing me as weak, one day I will show you all im not weak, i say I didn’t want more kids yet after my etopic pregnancy I think I was wrong but is to late now and like that theres many many more add ons to me but the most imp thing I have the heart of a child I can fight with you and even hate you today yet tomorrow u call and need me and guess what im there for you like if nothing one thing most consider my biggest defect yet i consider the best quality I have and from now on no more pretending is me Kenia take it or leave it and please care for my sweet childish heart since he does have feelings 🙂 

    
    
 

Ocean dance! 

If there is anything this mom can do for ever is to sat and watch the waves come and go. Dancing with the wind in an aternal ballroom where worries are not allowed. See my twiners rigth there follow the waves and laughing, so innocent and spontaneous. LIFE IS SHORT and Im planning to enjoy as best as I can. Ups and downs this is my imperfect perfect world .. 

 D